i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
