When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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