I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
