Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
