"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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