Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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