Please, let me fuck your mom
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
