no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize