she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
zippers are such a cool invention
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
