omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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