Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
