the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
