insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
