I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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