There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
