OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
