god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
