If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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