This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
