we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
