if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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