She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Drunk is not a location!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
