Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
