His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
