I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
