I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
