I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
