if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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