how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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