what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
