Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
