i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
