He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
