Texts From Last Night

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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.

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  (250): I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can. http://tfl.nu/1tw1
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?

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  (815): What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"? http://tfl.nu/6zhr
  Replies (34) Good night (2145) Bad night (2943) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  sarcasm needs its own font

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  (440): sarcasm needs its own font http://tfl.nu/5kc7
  Replies (55) Good night (8247) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
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  (418): View more from Quebec

  I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out

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  (418): I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out http://tfl.nu/dee8
  Replies (7) Good night (3274) Bad night (1582) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.

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  (202): That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence. http://tfl.nu/ugku
  Replies (6) Good night (2135) Bad night (1065) Order T-Shirt
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.

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  (810): people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart. http://tfl.nu/4ahf
  Replies (14) Good night (3422) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?

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  (540): is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious? http://tfl.nu/lq7k
  Replies (7) Good night (5076) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.

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  (206): My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in. http://tfl.nu/9rsk
  Replies (14) Good night (2963) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.

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  (724): His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off. http://tfl.nu/q67j
  Replies (8) Good night (3791) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.

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  (281): I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car. http://tfl.nu/4osg
  Replies (8) Good night (453) Bad night (1496) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA

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  (540): AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA http://tfl.nu/16eo
  Replies (2) Good night (1546) Bad night (401) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  you also need to get my treadmill fixed.

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  (540): The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours. (540): you also need to get my treadmill fixed. http://tfl.nu/v31c
  Replies (7) Good night (807) Bad night (426)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.

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  (773): I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea. http://tfl.nu/j1n0
  Replies (9) Good night (442) Bad night (1452) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.

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  (708): I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on. http://tfl.nu/l3j9
  Replies (5) Good night (777) Bad night (214)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.

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  (412): Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night. http://tfl.nu/dy0t
  Replies (4) Good night (507) Bad night (259) Order T-Shirt

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