K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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