have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet