I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...