real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
