i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
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what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
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I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen