we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
