I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
