I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I don't deserve a penis
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
