you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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