Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
