The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I booty called her while she was in labor.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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