On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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