just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
