if i can run in heels then i can drive
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
