his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
