apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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