MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
