I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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