I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
