Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Randomize
