we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
