my phone needs a breathalizer
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Girls should come with a carfax report
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
