Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
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I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
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This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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