just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
