Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
