i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
