Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
