they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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