Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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