My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
