i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
