Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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