Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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