I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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