It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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