Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
