im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
