She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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