Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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