yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
