I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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