you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
