at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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