i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
