god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
