fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
why do cheetos always look like penises
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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