In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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