i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
