So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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