I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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