apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
